Violence Attributed to Woman Power to Dress Self

Fr. Piero Corsi
Fr. Piero Corsi

Fr. Piero Corsi of San Terenzo parish before being sent for a time-out on retreat by his boss, poses for his fifteen minutes of fame photograph, now found on Facebook.

When it comes to violence, women hold all the cards, according to a Catholic priest in remote Italy. Emulating Luther (not Vandross), Father Piero Corsi posted an inflammatory Christmas missive to the front door of his church in San Terenzo, which read in part:

How often do we see girls and mature women going around scantily dressed and in provocative clothes?

They provoke the worst instincts, which end in violence or sexual abuse. They should search their consciences and ask: did we bring this on ourselves?

There is little to the rumor that the Roman Catholic Church (or at least one member thereof) has joined forces with Missouri Republican spinmeister Mister Todd Akin, whose definition of “legitimate rape” made headlines around the world in late October 2012.

MSS forgives the padre’s grammatical lapses, caused no doubt by woman power.

Violence Provoked by Woman’s Power to Serve Cold Meals

Where Mister Akin insisted that women were powerful enough to prevent pregnancy in the face of “legitimate rape,” Father Piero Corsi of San Terenzo in northwest Italy claims, in his Christmas message posted on Facebook by members of his congregation, that women are powerful enough to “incite sexual violence on themselves” since there is no way that men have just “gone mad.”

Is it possible that all of a sudden men have gone mad? We don’t believe it.

The fact is that women are increasingly provocative, they become arrogant, they believe themselves to be self-sufficient and end up exacerbating the situation.

Children are abandoned to their own devices, homes are dirty, meals are cold or fast food, clothes are filthy.

Mizz Snarkity Snark believes that such accusations have rarely been brought forth since the much-publicized kidnapping of Helen of Troy, whose famous woman powers brought on a decade of war (during which she herself remained about 20 years old and launch a thousand ships).

Violence Caused by Woman’s Power to Present Awards

Mizz Snarkity Snark feels it is her duty to come up with an appropriate violence-free award for this so-last-last-last-century thinking, which she calls the “Narrow-Mindedness Accolade” and to bestow the first ever award upon Fr. Corsi, who is now taking a rest, possibly at the recommendation of his boss, Bishop Luigi Ernesto Palletti, who is reported to have said that Corsi’s words were “unacceptable and go against the church’s common feeling on the matter.”

Violence is Woman’s Arrogance Tied to Self-Sufficiency

MSS believes that Father Corsi has, respectfully, gone off his rocker, and is using her considerable Woman Powers to resist laughing out loud and rudely at such an obvious display of silliness.

Besides, everyone knows that we Women of Power use our powers for good. Just ask Eleanor Roosevelt. Florence Nightingale. Sarah Palin. Tina Fey. Lady Jane Seymour. Ayn Rand. Cleopatra. Hillary Clinton.

Much love to each of you. Those daring calf-length skirts must go, dahling. Down to the ankle, Tout de Suite! No powerful influences allowed.

 

Author’s Note: There is nothing funny about violence, against women, men, humans – or anything else. Don’t mistake this light-hearted satirical discourse for this author’s approval or skip-to-my-lou happy outlooks on the topic.

 

Thanksgiving Day Blessings from Mizz Snarkity Snark

edible turkey

Mizz Snarkity Snark would like to wish you a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving Day, filled with wondrous presents, surprise visits from the Great Meleagris gallopavo* himself, and much American sports on the ray-dee-oh.

Remembrance of Thanksgivings Past

edible turkey

May the Great Meleagris gallopavo visit your household and bless your hearth this night. (Photo/Wallpapers)

MSS remembers the Thanksgivings of her childhood, as she and her family huddled around the floor console ray-dee-oh in the west parlor, listening to lilting bagpipes and tinny voices singing traditional Thanksgiving carols through the chilly air.

Three days before this festive event, at dawn’s first light, Father would don his best suit, white collar and pointed hat, and stride down to the shoreline. With the skill and dedication passed down to him from his father, he would spend hours selecting the perfect turkey to chop down with his well-honed lumber axe.

Meanwhile, back at the homestead, her mother, the formidable operatic soprano Mrs. Gertrude Hildegarde “Bitty” Snark, would be whipping the downstairs kitchen staff into a frenzy of decorating, egg hiding, feather plucking and baking in a kitchen that would put most restaurants of the day to shame.

 

* Meleagris gallopavo is the Latin name for turkey.

Elizabeth Warren Aims at Congress; Bullseye

Elizabeth Warren or Hurricane Sandy
Elizabeth Warren or Hurricane Sandy

Which is scarier to Congress: Elizabeth Warren or Hurricane Sandy? You decide.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Elizabeth Warren speaks her mind, and the mind of a few million avid followers, as she strides toward Congress, whip in hand. Watch out, puppies. There’s a new sheriff in town, and boy is she p*ssed.

If the notion on this is we’re going to elect somebody to the United States Senate so they can be the 100th least senior person in there and be polite and somewhere in their fourth or fifth year do some bipartisan bill that nobody is going to care about, then don’t vote for me. Elizabeth Warren, before her 2012 election.

Mizz Snarkity Snark believes this is a good time to break ranks, patterns, “the way we’ve always one it” mentality, and oh so gently elbow a few do-nothings to the back of the pack. MSS is also cheering like a teenager at a Rolling Stones concert in 1979.

Yes, yes. MSS knows that’s before your time.

Much love to each of you. Rock on, Senator Warren. Rock their leetle heads in if need be.

Call Me Maybe Not, Ms Telephone Sales Recording

Screen Shot 2012-10-31 at 11.34.00 AM

Brrrring brrrring. Brrring brrring.

Mizz Snarkity Snark picks up the phone and answers politely. A nice polite female voice responds, “Greetings! How are you today?”

“Just fine,” MSS responds. “What can I do for you today?”

“OH, I wanted to call and thank you for completing that survey the other day for (deleted).” MSS can almost hear the voice’s owner smiling through the telephone sales receiving device.

“Very welcome,” MSS smiles back.

“Since you took the time, we’d like to thank you by sending you a $100 gift card for (huge discount big box store), and a $50 gas card as well.” Nice smile again, as if she knows that $50 gas card won’t begin to fill up MSS’ Sherman Tank’s tank.

“How nice!” MSS smiles right back. “(deleted), did you say? Sorry I don’t recall that survey specifically.” MSS takes a lot of surveys.

Ms Telephone Sales Seems to Have Trouble Thinking on her Feet

“What day was this?” MSS inquires politely.

“All you have to do is sign on to our website at http://(yadda-yadda-sis-boom-bah).com,” telephone sales smiley voice continues as if MSS had said nothing. “It’ll take just about two, maybe three minu-”

MSS smiles broadly and gently hangs up the telephone sales receiving device.

My dear Ms. Prerecorded Telephone Sales Call. Please feel free to call back once you have mastered the art of answering questions after I’ve asked them. Or better yet, in the face of burgeoning unemployment, rapidly rising costs, uncertain political futures and state-level bankruptcy… next time you call me, call me maybe with a human.

Always smile. That’s Mizz Snarkity Snark’s motto.

Much love to each of you. I mean it. Even Ms. Prerecorded Sales Message, almost good enough to fool MSS for an entire 45 seconds.

Stay Safe, East Coast Hurricane Challengers

NOAA handout shows Mizz Sandy's position on 27 October as s/he gets ready to smack the bejeebers out of the US of A's East Coast.
Hurricane Sandy heads toward the East Coast

NOAA handout shows Mizz Hurricane Sandy’s position on 27 October as s/he gets ready to smack the bejeebers out of the US of A’s East Coast.

Be careful, hurricane stormwatchers!

With a relatively unprecedented glint of compassion, Mizz Snarkity Snark sets aside the business of snarking to wish each of her beloved East Coasters all good luck and Godspeed through the stormy attack of Mizz Hurricane Sandy.

Godspeed, you hurricane-facing intrepids!

Godspeed, by the way, comes from the Middle English “God spede you,” where spede is the third person singular present subjunctive of speden, to prosper, from the OLD English speden, success. I will understand if you do not pause in your hammering of plywood over plate glass windows to fawn over the awesomeness of this trivial tidbit of etymology.

Much love to each of you. Stay safe.