More States’ Citizens Push for Secession

jello shots

Jello shots. Makes as much sense as secession, after secession, and cause less of a hangover.

The Jello Years (2015-2018)

Reporter: “Millions more secession-depressed citizens are calling for the restructuring of the former United States and restoration of what was once known as “national services,” such as highway, parks, agriculture, postal service, and the power grid. And now, here’s Jerry Storm with the Nationa — er, Continental weather forecast.”

Even though corporations had replaced several federal programs before the Great Breakup, many former states still struggle to find the on-switch for services they used to take for granted.

Where are the phone companies? What happened to the electricity? Who owns that mud puddle that used to be the Colorado River? Who’s in charge of this stuff?!


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