Thanksgiving and the Filbert Stuffing Pardon
Thanksgiving Day! Dawn brought all yawning kinder of the Snark household down the staircase, clinging to the dung-dusted bannister, to the parlor where a wealth of glistening presents lay strewn everywhere. Happy Meleagris gallopavo Day, Mother, Father!
As the tots unwrapped gifts with the speed of flying lobsters and gobbled their traditional tree shaped pecan-and-soy-sauce waffles, the adults listened intently for news of the time-honored Pardoning of the Filbert Stuffing.
Each year, one lucky village household receives a meticulously cared-for wild ‘aggis, captured from its far-off lair near the Loch of Locklochenlok. This ‘aggis, replaces the humble filbert stuffing prepared by every homestead to be served to the Great Meleagris gallopavo on his arrival. That one lucky filbert stuffing is pardoned, then hoisted aloft and carried through the streets of the village on a pike with much yelling and potato throwing, before being ceremoniously torched on the outskirts by the menfolk.
To be awarded the perfect wild ‘aggis is the dream of every home’s house wyfe. At the stroke of 9 in the morning on Thanksgiving Day, in hope of its arrival, everyone stops their work for a moment to celebrate with shots of milk-laced whisky and nutmeg. Mrs. Gertrude Hildegarde “Bitty” Snark in her nine-volume autobiography A Nineteenth Century House Wyfe Reminisces.