Thanksgiving Day Dinner
Precisely at noon, Mother dismissed the household staff, shooing them out the door to join their own families for the half-day. With deadly efficiency, she would don a pumpkin-embroidered apron and finish off the grueling two-day task of preparing the traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, to be ready promptly at 3:00.
A typical menu would read:
- Twice Roasted Duck with Ranchero Chili Pepper and Hominy Stuffing
- Chopped Ham Moutarde de Dijon
- Maple Syrup Baked Oysters
- Yam Brickle
- Filbert Stuffing
- Green Bean & Chipotle Souffle
- Peanut-butter Filled Cornbread Rolls
- Cranberry Jello
- Pumpkin Macaroni
Promptly at 3:00, this dinner would be placed in the family ox cart and pulled to the center of town, where every member of every household gathered to form a festive parade. At the end of the seventh circling of the perimeter road, the village cartsmen would gather in a row and, at the sound of the starter pistol, race their laden carts down to the shoreline, where the winning conveyance would be merrily set on fire.
Then it’s back home for a welcome nap before the traditional Thanksgiving Tomatillo Aspic Sandwich and American Football Score Recitation, during which the menfolk consume one alcoholic beverage for each American Football game in which there was both a winning team and a losing team.
See You Next Year, Celebrant!
Do enjoy this hallowed day, Gentle Reader. Thank you for carrying on the venerated traditions of our ancestors and their cousins, and encouraging your children to memorize and whistle the ‘aggis mating calls that still echo over the waters of Loch Locklochenlok.
Much love to each of you. Save room for that savory clam ‘n asparagus cheesecake!