More States’ Citizens Push for Secession

jello shots

Secession is on the lips and fingertips of citizens in a wide variety of states around these United States of America.

petitions filed at whitehouse.gov

Citizen petitions want to rip the US of A into itty bitty bits. It takes 25,000 signatures to get considered and, at this snapshot, Texas had 77k+.

Beyond providing material for comedians everywhere, this secession uprising has little in common with common sense.

Our nation, rabidly attracted to scandal, divorce, celebrity breakups (the Biebs! Selena! Oh noes!), seems to pick breakup songs over national anthems, and a shotgun divorce (aka secession) over working it out.

Mizz Snarkity Snark thinks one way to pause a mass exodus is to give secession enthusiasts a taste of Christmases yet to come.

Envisioneering After the Secession State Nations

The Secession Shake-out Years (2013-2015)

The word for today, children, is import-export. Yes, we know that’s two words. It’s how we get corn oil from Ohio to Indiana along TransNational Highway since the secession fractured the breadbasket. Those toll booths you see, with the barbed wire and machine guns? That’s where we used to have a double-sided sign, “Welcome to Indiana,” and “Now Leaving Ohio. Have a Nice Day.”

“The former state of South Dakota, now known as Dakota, declared a national holiday today, to be named Mount Six Grandfathers Day, adopting the name of the mountain previously known as Mt Rushmore. Petitions to rename Dakota to Lakota have been trickling into the nation’s capital of Sioux Falls (selected after Pierre announced it would be renamed to Bambi and be known as Bambi, King of Dakota).”