FEMA Costs Money, States Captain Obvious

no FEMA for this one
no FEMA for this one

The Great Earthquake at New Madrid, a 19th-century woodcut from Devens’ Our First Century (1877)

Mizz Snarkity Snark has overheard from Captain Obvious that it is time to pay the FEMA piper for the dance Mizz Sandy attended last week on the Eastern Seaboard.

It’s called Disaster Preparedness for a reason. We need to be Prepared for Disasters, up to and including replays of the Great Flood.

Funds are supposed to come in from the Federal budget to keep that bucket from running dry, no? The Federal gummint gets all pissy when MSS doesn’t send in HER share to the bucket on time, that’s for sure. So MSS feels like the Federal gummint should hold up at least part of its end of the deal.

Now, however, the day before the Presidential Election in these United States of Still-Swimming Out of Disaster, our beloved Texas-sized Congressman Ron Paul (this week’s holder of the Captain Obvious scepter and wand) announces how much FEMA assistance is going to set back Americans in terms of the impact to inflation by that FEMA assistance.

Warning: Fiscal Double-Talk Ahead

Now, it’s only going to cost somewhere between $20 and, let’s say, $100 billion. Yes, that’s a B. Billion. Not a T, Trillion, or we’d be in all sorts of trouble.

Soon we are going to have to have a new currency word. Trillion is already losing some of its shock ‘n awe flavor. Quadrillion doesn’t feel like it needs to seem real yet, though it could be close and who’d tell us, mm? Tribbillion sounds like a bad Star Trek episode. Which means, of course, that Spocktillion is right out.

Mizz Snarkity Snark would like each of you to resist shouting at the top of your lungs, “SAY WHAT!?”

Much love to each of you. Much more was said but evaporated into the ether that is the Interwebs.

Team Romney Disaster Recovery a ‘Triumphal Performance’

stacks of storm relief
stacks of storm relief

Fake it ’til you make it?

Disaster recovery for the 21st Century has arrived.

Mizz Snarkity Snark hears that Massachusetts Governor and budding Event Planner Mitt Romney and his merry band of campaign promises staged a disaster recovery effort worthy of the finest performance of Swan Lake.

Since Team Romney felt it was too soon to put their boss man back in campaign mode, Mr MR got morphed into a disaster recovery specialist for a day or so.

Peek into Disaster Recovery Post-FEMA

MSS figures this is the Mitt’s FEMA replacement plan:

All political candidates on the campaign trail during a federal disaster will stop kissing babies immediately, will muster all troops to the nearest discount warehouse or big box store, buy a face-saving number of relief supplies, and stage them in such a way that motivational photo ops can be printed up and published.

State, local and national news crews and all available weather broadcasters are to be deployed everywhere for the duration to observe all relief events and act as repeaters and to drum up interest.

Meanwhile, local first responders unaffiliated with the former FEMA are free to do their best to actually render assistance to disaster victims and communities. When You Hear Hoofbeats, Watch Out for Excrement

In recognition of the unmistakeable odor of equine droppings, MSS reserves a special “WTF Were You Thinking” award for the entire Team Romney team. Go, Team.

MSS is rather sure she hears hoofbeats in the distance, not too far from the campaign trail.

Much love to each of you. Especially first-responders and hopefully not future former FEMA folk.