Superstorm Sandy Announces Name Change, Future Plans

Day Two of Sandy

Hurricane Sandy has changed names every few hours since her arrival on this nation’s celebrity radar. Yesterday we heard this lovely federal disaster called Hurricane Sandy, Cyclone Sandy, Post-Tropical Cyclone Sandy, and -as of this morning- Superstorm Sandy.

Day Two of Sandy

Day two of Superstorm Sandy which, by any name, is turning out to be a federal disaster.

This morning in a surprise announcement, Superstorm Sandy announced that

  • she now wishes to be known as Krystal Kat,
  • she intends to be adopted as the eleventh Kardashian,
  • she’s dating a hunky waterspout named Stu that she met off Bermuda,
  • and she plans to settle in Nashville.

I’d TOTALLY live there! I just LOVE that new TV show with Hayley Panini and the old lady from Cornwall in Britain.

Rumors of an international tour began circulating shortly after Kat’s whirlwind tour of the Great Lakes region, which sent rogue waves crashing over lake shorelines and hastily erected crowd barriers.

The storm formerly known as Superstorm Sandy refused to answer MSS and her press minions when asked about plans for future performances or press releases in the works. So far, no firm date has been set for Kat’s arrival in Canada for more than brief performances and limited overnight stays.

Stu and I totally ROCK hats and boots. We’re getting matching ankle tattoos this weekend!

Attempts at post-appearance fan interviews and crowd response broadcasts have been only marginally successful, as Superstorm Sandy, aka Krystal Kat, is known to leave her audiences feeling a bit powerless.

Much love to each of you. Don’t eat life too seriously, or you’ll get a tummy ache.

Stay Safe, East Coast Hurricane Challengers

NOAA handout shows Mizz Sandy's position on 27 October as s/he gets ready to smack the bejeebers out of the US of A's East Coast.
Hurricane Sandy heads toward the East Coast

NOAA handout shows Mizz Hurricane Sandy’s position on 27 October as s/he gets ready to smack the bejeebers out of the US of A’s East Coast.

Be careful, hurricane stormwatchers!

With a relatively unprecedented glint of compassion, Mizz Snarkity Snark sets aside the business of snarking to wish each of her beloved East Coasters all good luck and Godspeed through the stormy attack of Mizz Hurricane Sandy.

Godspeed, you hurricane-facing intrepids!

Godspeed, by the way, comes from the Middle English “God spede you,” where spede is the third person singular present subjunctive of speden, to prosper, from the OLD English speden, success. I will understand if you do not pause in your hammering of plywood over plate glass windows to fawn over the awesomeness of this trivial tidbit of etymology.

Much love to each of you. Stay safe.