Segway Victim Awarded $10 Million

Segway footsie

Enticing a rider into an obstacle course while wearing a blindfold is not going to help their confidence and make the sale.

Where’s that seat-belt, mister? Don’t you know how dangerous gravity can be?

Segway Should Know Better

Mizz Snarkity Snark is appalled that Segway employees would set up an obstacle course of this nature and compel college students to run through it without adequate protection.

With a top speed of 10 MPH (12.5 MPH  for the second generation model), whiplash is a very real concern. You could put your eye out!

Segway Employees Should Know Better

Highly skilled rocket scientists in the employ of this top-secret “transpo-toy factory” on the Eastern Seaboard should know that, with the exception of post-doc thesis writers, college students are too distracted to master Segway maneuvering in a five-minute rundown of blindfolded instruction. Even a monkey needs a full 15 minutes.

Segway’s own Safety guidelines declare that wearing a helmet is one of the Knows (Segway-speak for rules?)

Know the Knows of the Segway PT:

  • Know how the machine operates
  • Know your riding environment
  • Know to wear a helmet and to use good judgment while riding
  • No knows = No rides

Ten Million Bucks Should Know Better

Ten million is almost exactly half of 20 million, a very knowledgeable number.

Ten million, although an even number, feels a bit odd in the presence of billions, trillions, trilliums, and tribbles.

Ten million buckarubles would easily provide an entire African village much-needed zithers, boating hats, refrigerator magnets, and chewing gum.

A College Student Should Know Better

Gee, it could be really fun to hop onto a moving object without a helmet and with a blindfold. I bet I could do this in Dad’s Ford, too!

Someone who made it into college would, MSS hopes, have the candlepower to figger this out.

While Segway certainly bears a massive amount of blame in this, including hiring really stupid people to set up demos, someone who’s attending college should have the brainpower of more than a box of oatmeal and have discerned that this stunt is a Really Bad Idea.

(In all seriousness, it seems just and fair to MSS that Segway should pay to bring security to this young man’s future, in light of their employees’ staging of the risky product demonstration.)

Much love to each of you. Please use common sense, or borrow some. Wear your seat-belts.