Instagram Declares Open Season on Photography Forever

Instagram thief


Instagram thief

Selling your photos, squeezing your head, stealing your vacation, cooking class, and first attempts at making laundry soap.

“Shocking! Completely out of the blue!” declared nobody, anywhere.

Instagram: Give Me That Camera. Now.

Given the history of blink-and-miss-it policy changes by parent Facebook, Instagram announced today that it has claimed the right to sell your photos – and basically anything you’ve taken a picture of – unless you delete your account before the end of the year –  through the use of new Vanishing Point technology made famous by its very absence.

Recent closed beta experiments with the VP technology by Facebook have led to disappearing pages, posts, settings, lists and even (*gasp*) photos. How did we not see THIS coming? oh, wait, you can’t SEE it.

What? Your wallet disappeared? Your silver mixer stand vanished? Did you, by chance, take a photo of it and push it to Facebook or Instagram? HA.

For their acquisition of the rights to every photo ever taken since mankind first invented ways to make photos, thereby Grinching both the holiday season and the much-anticipated End of the World, Mizz Snarkity Snark awards Instagram with possibly the last ever “WTF Were You Thinking!?” award known to mankind.

Children everywhere, however, are relieved that Mommy and Daddy will not be taking candid shots while they unwrap presents and see that oversize green-orange-and-purple plaid sweater Aunt Judy knit – especially as Aunt Judy’s yarn shop will be standing in line to buy the negatives.

Instagram Sells First Pyramid Snapshots, circa 2583 BC, with Perpetual Rights

In a petulant display of “leave me alone, you big meanie,” Instagram turned media away at the door when reporters from CNET yelled, “Hey, what gives?” Shortly thereafter, a picture of their news van appeared on Instagram. Shortly after thereafter, the van … vanished.

Speculating bystanders wondered if this policy shift might be signal Facebook’s plans to acquire the Internet from social networking darling and we-try-harder search maven < G o o o o o o o o gle >.

There is Hope, but Not Much

If you delete your Instagram account after January 16, 2013,  iNstagram STILL has the right to sell your images “in perpetuity.” Just witness what they are doing with photos taken of the Great Pyramid of Giza during its initial construction in 2584 BC. Shameless exploitation of human rights, MSS believes, and one that should not go unshouted. And did they get permission from every single one of those workers? MSS thinks NOT.

Keep Calm and Carry a Big Eraser

Mizz Snarkity Snark is on the way out the door for her regularly scheduled high tea with the Great Margot, Queen of Western Oregon and The Distant States of Alaska Hawaii and Puerto Rico, but upon her return will be firmly deleting her Instagram account (if indeed she has one), her linen service, her faux fur storage service and all the faux in it, her chauffeur’s standing table at Brown Derby, and her shoe account at Gimbels. How dare they attempt to resell MSS’ shoes!

Alexei’s Russian Wolfhound grooming services will have to stay, however, as Winthrop, Pixie Princess, Duke Eversham and Boo are just now growing their winter coats. MSS would post a picture but… well, you know.

Much love to each of you. Stand tall, and don’t let anyone bully you into giving up your Brownie. Remember to laugh at the funny parts, and believe 1/25th of everything you hear.