FEMA Costs Money, States Captain Obvious

no FEMA for this one
no FEMA for this one

The Great Earthquake at New Madrid, a 19th-century woodcut from Devens’ Our First Century (1877)

Mizz Snarkity Snark has overheard from Captain Obvious that it is time to pay the FEMA piper for the dance Mizz Sandy attended last week on the Eastern Seaboard.

It’s called Disaster Preparedness for a reason. We need to be Prepared for Disasters, up to and including replays of the Great Flood.

Funds are supposed to come in from the Federal budget to keep that bucket from running dry, no? The Federal gummint gets all pissy when MSS doesn’t send in HER share to the bucket on time, that’s for sure. So MSS feels like the Federal gummint should hold up at least part of its end of the deal.

Now, however, the day before the Presidential Election in these United States of Still-Swimming Out of Disaster, our beloved Texas-sized Congressman Ron Paul (this week’s holder of the Captain Obvious scepter and wand) announces how much FEMA assistance is going to set back Americans in terms of the impact to inflation by that FEMA assistance.

Warning: Fiscal Double-Talk Ahead

Now, it’s only going to cost somewhere between $20 and, let’s say, $100 billion. Yes, that’s a B. Billion. Not a T, Trillion, or we’d be in all sorts of trouble.

Soon we are going to have to have a new currency word. Trillion is already losing some of its shock ‘n awe flavor. Quadrillion doesn’t feel like it needs to seem real yet, though it could be close and who’d tell us, mm? Tribbillion sounds like a bad Star Trek episode. Which means, of course, that Spocktillion is right out.

Mizz Snarkity Snark would like each of you to resist shouting at the top of your lungs, “SAY WHAT!?”

Much love to each of you. Much more was said but evaporated into the ether that is the Interwebs.

Bored Shoppers Thank American Apparel For Storm Sale

American Apparel and marketing savvy
American Apparel and marketing savvy

American Apparel flexes powerful marketing muscle to be right where the most bored shoppers are likely to be: The heart of Hurricane Sandy.

Mizz Snarkity Snark would like to thank retailer American Apparel for having the foresight to exploit the hardship experienced by a few million people as a result of Hurricane Sandy’s devastating arrival.

With heads-up thinking, this astute customer-oriented firm staged a perfectly timed “Hurricane Sandy Sale” for Monday night’s hellish superstorm attack on the Eastern Coast of these United States of America.

Well done, American Apparel. Way to stay on your toes!

American Apparel Fills a Dire Need: Where to Shop During a Storm!

MSS salutes the alert marketing minds that came up with the “In case you’re bored during the storm” campaign, offering a 20% sale for 36 hours to the very area of the country most likely to be bored with the storm – the Eastern Seaboard!

Such talent will come in handy for that marketing mind’s next employment opportunity, to be sure.

Mizz Snarkity Snark is struck dumb by this savvy display of presence of mind and backdates a specially issued “WTF Were You Thinking!?” award to Monday, Oct. 29, 2012. It’s the least she can do.

Marketing majors will be seeing this feat in case studies for years to come.

Oh… did you skip Rhode Island on purpose, or did this copy of the sale flyer get shredded by cyclone-force winds?

Much love to each of you – except, maybe, American Apparel (though they’ll need some love to replace their now-boycotting customer base).

Shame.

Superstorm Sandy Announces Name Change, Future Plans

Day Two of Sandy

Hurricane Sandy has changed names every few hours since her arrival on this nation’s celebrity radar. Yesterday we heard this lovely federal disaster called Hurricane Sandy, Cyclone Sandy, Post-Tropical Cyclone Sandy, and -as of this morning- Superstorm Sandy.

Day Two of Sandy

Day two of Superstorm Sandy which, by any name, is turning out to be a federal disaster.

This morning in a surprise announcement, Superstorm Sandy announced that

  • she now wishes to be known as Krystal Kat,
  • she intends to be adopted as the eleventh Kardashian,
  • she’s dating a hunky waterspout named Stu that she met off Bermuda,
  • and she plans to settle in Nashville.

I’d TOTALLY live there! I just LOVE that new TV show with Hayley Panini and the old lady from Cornwall in Britain.

Rumors of an international tour began circulating shortly after Kat’s whirlwind tour of the Great Lakes region, which sent rogue waves crashing over lake shorelines and hastily erected crowd barriers.

The storm formerly known as Superstorm Sandy refused to answer MSS and her press minions when asked about plans for future performances or press releases in the works. So far, no firm date has been set for Kat’s arrival in Canada for more than brief performances and limited overnight stays.

Stu and I totally ROCK hats and boots. We’re getting matching ankle tattoos this weekend!

Attempts at post-appearance fan interviews and crowd response broadcasts have been only marginally successful, as Superstorm Sandy, aka Krystal Kat, is known to leave her audiences feeling a bit powerless.

Much love to each of you. Don’t eat life too seriously, or you’ll get a tummy ache.