Far Too Much News, Saturday Edition – 24 November 2012

New York Snark masthead
New York Snark masthead

All the news that’s fit to print, and some that really isn’t but we’ll print it anyway.

Warning: News. More warning: Serious snark in response to news.

Mizz Snarkity Snark senses that you are just not upset enough about news in general these days. Therefore, MSS has decided to publish a news capsule covering the week in hindsight — because publishing a news capsule to cover the week in advance is not particularly productive. So without further ado:

All the Interesting Weekly News in Retrospect (& Other News)

Elderly Oceanside CA man accused of killing wife and cooking her body parts. Wife’s head found in freezer. (laist.com, 11/23/12)

In other news: Auditions are being held nationwide for Extreme Makeover: Walking Dead, merging horror with cutting edge reality series. Ty Pennington reps no comment.

Gas rationing slated to end in New York City. Rationing system put in place to try to ease enormous lines at gas stations that did have gas. (The New York Times, 11/23/12)

In other news: Encouraged by gas rationing success, Mayor Bloomberg considers other rationing, based on odd-even birthdays. In discussion: coffee, taxicabs, dog walking.

Walmart workers protest wages, benefits on Black Friday; stage walkouts (CBS News, 11/23/12)

In other news: Lime green shirts disdained in clash with brand colors, cites eyestrain, fatigue, visits from fashion police.

New Zealand wants a Hollywood put on its map.  (The New York Times, 11/23/12)

In other news: On hearing NZ demands, Madagascar cheers for itself in animation three-peat; requests Hollywood t-shirts, personalized beer mugs.

Woman drives 100 MPH in 30 MPH zone after God tells her to. (Huffington Post, 11/21/12).

In other news: shortly thereafter, God tells Ft. Pierce FL police officers to arrest reckless horn-honking female driver. 

Cost of Seceding from the United States [high] (Huffington Post, 11/20/12)

In other news: FEMA to NJ Gov Christie, “FEMA? What FEMA? You guys seceded, didn’t you?” Elsewhere, Fed to NY Gov Cuomo, “$30 billion in federal disaster aid? What federal? You guys seceded, didn’t you?”

Much love to each of you. Remember, news is old before you hear about it. Don’t let it steamroller you.